Thursday, December 14, 2006

Men's Rules

Stolen from an email. Usually I loathe these things, but something touched me in a way. Not like a bad uncle kind of way, but in a way that a smile from girl can brighten your day. That's about as sappy as I'll get, bitch.

I've deleted the ones about Sunday sports, toilet training, dressing like a slut, asking directions, asking what is on my mind and keeping the place clean. Those things fall under common sense with me and I'm not really all that excited about sports that I would waste a beautiful day on it when I could be with the woman.

But these need clarification and I've bolded the most important:

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.+

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping.


anne altman said...

"One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her."



anne altman said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
newbluebaby said...

You just had to say it twice didn't ya?

You're not the only one who's bitter!

anne altman said...

i said it three times but you weren't listening to me.