HAPPY NEW YEAR LIEUTENANT DAN!

MERRY NEW YEAR! AH AH AH!

E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!

First of all, I had NO idea that there were Bald Eagles around here.

Second of all, that's a shot right out of Mutual Of Omaha's Wild Kingdom but it's over New York City!

Pale Male, the famed red-tailed hawk of Central Park, was perched on the 22nd floor of the swank Beresford apartment building on Wednesday when the national emblem of the United States soared past, carrying a large fish in its talons.

Sports Sucking

And they're sucking more and more every year.

First of all, don't even get me started on the Super Bowl. What a piece of American TRASH. Ohhh new commercials! Ohhhh the half time show! Ohhhh it's a family event!

Wait... isn't there a game in there somewhere?

Morons.

Now - he's two stories from today that just don't make sense.

San Francisco Giants pay Barry Zito $126 million for seven years.

That is a disgusting amount of money. F-You baseball, I'll see you in October when it's fun to watch. (Even better if the Giants are nowhere to be seen!)

Next is basketball, which I'm not a big fan of these days anyway. But can someone explain to me why Jason Kidd was fined $20K for calling the refs "three blind mice"?!

Was that insulting to blind people? Blind mice?

As long as there has been sports with refs, there have been players who disagreed with the refs. I know they've been called worse!

That's just insane.

Octopus Rule

This is THE video.

There is an octopus in the picture above.

I remember seeing this at a special movie at the Museum Of Natural History.

It blew me away. The scientists during the special said that if humans were to die off the next species that would most likely take over would be the Octopus. With the threat of humans, they would thrive and extremely intelligent and adaptable, wherein in a millennia, they would be the dominate species of the planet.

Just watch this video of their camouflage capabilities. It's unbelievable.

It's also way frakking cool.

Who's There?

There is an owl in there.

I remember when I was a kid an owl made his home in my neighbor's tree. It was white and every once in a while it would peek its head out from the hole and everyone would ooh and ahh.

We would also see them in the woods every once in a while, swooping under the tree line going after a mouse or a smaller bird. It was always a very cool moment.

But then the owls went away. Didn't see as much as I got older.

Or did they? Check out these pictures - they can hide themselves really well. Some better than others, just like the pervs who use to hide and wait for us kids to come walking by.

SQUAWK!

The finding of a parrot with an almost unparalleled power to communicate with people has brought scientists up short.

I want that bird. Ok, maybe not that one, but one just like it. Wouldn't it be great to have him at home? You come home, "Hey Polly, did you record Dr. Phil for me?"

*SQUAWK! You're a loser! Eat some pills! SQUAWK!*

It would be just like home again. Awesome.

*SQUAWK! I shit on your pillow! SQUAWK!*

Well Then Who Delivered The Presents?!?!

Santa dies at children's party

The children were further traumatized when the left the party only to see the Easter Bunny get run over by a fruit truck.

James Brown - Living In America

It's a crappy picture, but herein lies James Brown.

He gave us good music.

He gave us great car chases.

He gave us one of the best damn interviews EVER.

Gerald Ford - Eaten By Wolves

R.I.P.

Here is the in depth story.

One Of The Best Christmas' Ever

Woke up. Opened great presents.

Went and saw Rocky Balboa (Awesome movie!)

Watched Eagles beat Dallas. 23 to 7.





Merry Christmas to all!!!!

Happy Holidays

Last night I visited the Christmas Tree in Rockefeller Center and I'll be damned if that thing ain't crooked. It's leaning slightly towards the happy fools on the ice skating rink. It could easily snap one of its lines and fall on top of them.

*SMILE*

Ahh well. I'll be away from a computer for a while so Merry Christmas to all 4 of you who read this and I hope all is well with you and yours.


And remember, as a bum said to me once, you don't have to be a Rockefeller to Helpafella.

He deserved a tip for that line!

Thar She Blows!

Ahhhh tease.

Mount St. Helens Blasts Steam Plume

It wasn't too long ago that she teased us before with an eruption.

Probably not today, nor tomorrow, but sometime in our lifetime I think we'll be able to see that girl blow big time, one more time.

Doble O Siete

Florida professor admits he was Cuban spy

Oh... forgot about Cuba did we? 30 years! You gotta give it to Castro. He's been parked off the coast of the U.S. with his middle finger raised high for a long time now. Looks like old age will finally get him.

Two Heads Are Better Than One

Two-headed reptile fossil found

Ain't he cute?

Do These Pants Make Me Look... OWWW!!!!!!!

A Japanese woman trying on a pair of jeans in a shop got a shock when she was stung by a scorpion hidden inside.

C-3PU

I've written about how one day we will be fighting robots in the street.

But that's just one vision.

In fact, over at Matt Sears Forever, he has a more accurate version of the future.

It's a blast.

It's a chilling glimpse at what happens when robots become self-aware.

You Take The Good, You Take The Bad

Suddenly, out of nowhere.

This song popped into my head.

But then I wanted to hear the original. So I found that too.

I was strangely surprised, and a little bit confused - maybe horrified - that I could sing along. I remembered the words.

This is why I work in a corner alone.

Remember the episode where Tootie bought a bong?

Damn I had a crush on Jo.

Rocky Balboa

When I heard a Rocky 6 was being made, I groaned.

Being from the great city of Philadelphia, the first Rocky is a testament to the great city.

Most of other Rocky's were OK. Except the "speech" at the end of Rocky IV, and all of Rocky V.

But then I saw the trailer.

The music, the sly remarks. The run up the Art Museum stairs again?

And remember - Stallone can act. Just look at the first Rocky and Copland.

It premiered last night in Philadelphia.

And some early reviews are in. They're good!

So now I'm psyched, ya know?

Ain't That A Kick In The Head

How lucky can one guy be?

Horse hit me now I can see!

Head-butt by horse restores man's sight

Duck Season

Thousands of ducks mysteriously dying in Idaho

I like ducks.

Get better ducky!

Men's Rules

Stolen from an email. Usually I loathe these things, but something touched me in a way. Not like a bad uncle kind of way, but in a way that a smile from girl can brighten your day. That's about as sappy as I'll get, bitch.

I've deleted the ones about Sunday sports, toilet training, dressing like a slut, asking directions, asking what is on my mind and keeping the place clean. Those things fall under common sense with me and I'm not really all that excited about sports that I would waste a beautiful day on it when I could be with the woman.

But these need clarification and I've bolded the most important:

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.+

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping.

Comfortably Numb

A young Pakistani street performer and members of three related families have enabled scientists to make a genetic breakthrough that could lead to more effective painkillers.

This kid could plunge a knife through his arm with no problem, but he couldn't fly. He died after jumping off a roof.

If they do make a genetic breakthrough - make it for hangovers will ya? And does anyone have any aspirin?

Shark Bait

Shark Spies Steered by "Squid Juice"

So this professor at Boston University is trying to train sharks to do his bidding.

A billion years of evolution of the perfect eating machine and this guy wants to tinker with it.

There is only one place this guy will end up.

It the shark's stomach.

Seal Saved!

At the beginning of the month I let you know about a baby seal that was found four miles from the sea.

Well, good news.

Wandering seal returns to the sea

The seal was originally nicknamed Sid, but RSPCA at the Stapeley Grange Wildlife Centre near Nantwich in Cheshire called him Ghost.

Therefore giving him a hardcore handle, he will be treated with much respect when he returns to his Seal Hood.

Yo, you hear Ghost is back? No shit?!

Seahenge!

4,000-year-old Seahenge to rise again – but not until 2008

It's a good thing Spinal Tap didn't do "Seahenge", or they surely would have all been electrocuted. Again.

Chernobyl, Wisconsin?

Wisconsin hunter bags deer with 7 legs

Freak of nature indeed. But my favorite part of this story:

John Hoffman of Eden Meat Market skinned the deer for Lisko, who wasn't going to waste the venison from the animal.

"And by the way, I did eat it," Lisko said. "It was tasty."

I hope you have good medical coverage. You just ate a deer that was probably born on a nice soft patch of grass outside the nuclear power plant.

Dolphin News

Some good news and some bad news.

First of all, it's good to see this guy is useful for something other than cleaning out gutters.

The world's tallest man has saved two dolphins by using his long arms to reach into their stomachs and pull out dangerous plastic shards.

But, also in China, on the Yangtze River:

Rare White Dolphin Declared As Extinct

The Three Gorges Dam on the Yangtze River is probably a factor in this dolphin's demise, along with the heavy human traffic on the river. Damn shame, but inevitable.

That Three Gorges Dam is an environmental disaster happening as we speak. Over four thousand years of history will be lost when the valley starts filling up. Originally planned to deliver power to 10% of China's population, it now will most likely only supply to 3%. A 3% of over a billion is nothing. Is it really worth it?

My grandparents were lucky enough to visit the area some 20 years ago. I only wish I could.

Peter Boyle - R.I.P.

There Is No Santa!!

Teacher tells tearful kids: there is no Santa

You know what? I agree with this teacher.

Good for her.

We were all told lies and we all found out there is no Christmas. And who told you? An older sibling? Some other kid on the street?

What is wrong with telling kids, "Hey, if you're good, maybe you'll get that special toy you've been wanting. But you have to be good for ME. You have to be good for Mom. You have to be good for Dad."

Why fill the kid's head with a fantasy and not the facts?

It'll spare the kid the disappointment.

Besides, of all the kids in the world... how many does Santa, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle, etc.. etc... visit? Because there are a whole hell of a lot that he doesn't.

R.I.P. Manatee

The manatee I told you about two months ago...

Didn't make it.

Poor guy.

Well Said...

If you haven't found something strange during the day, it hasn't been much of a day.

J. A. Wheeler

Rockhead

Shiquan, Shanxi Province, China.

The 10 Most Bizarre People On Earth

I told you there was a crazy Japanese man living in the woods!!!!


10 Most Bizarre People on Earth

OCD Cure? Shrooms!

Psychedelic drug 'hope for OCD'

Well I tend not to worry about a dirty floor when it's rippling.

Squirrels Attack!

I've written about these dangerous creatures before.

I've warned you.

Russian squirrel pack 'kills dog'

In Mother Russia, Squirrel feeds you nuts! Your nuts!

At least someone is trying to figure out these bloodthirsty animals.

Study aims to unlock secret squirrels

I only hope he survives.

Jack Is Back

Two more bodies have been found by police investigating the murders of three prostitutes.

Dead hookers. Jack's specialty.

Looks like he was in Atlantic City as well recently.

I assure you, I have been in neither place.

Prince Humperdink

Is who I'd rather see.

Prince, one of the world's most electrifying performers, is set to perform in the "Pepsi Super Bowl XLI Halftime Show" on CBS at Dolphin Stadium in South Florida on Sunday, February 4, the NFL announced today.

Ugg. The NFL stinks.

Someone in all that advertising muck, there will be a game, which every year gets harder and harder to see.

Something Fishy

Two species cooperate to hunt

Researchers say it's the first example of coordinated hunting seen in fish.

Next time a fish taps you on the shoulder, don't fall for it. His buddy will jump you from behind.

Good Dog

Half-Breed Wolf Dog Hero Rescues Elderly Owners From Snowstorm

When Eve and Norman Fertig rescued a sick, two-week-old half wolf, half German shepherd puppy from a breeder almost seven years ago, they'd never dreamed that the animal one day would save their lives.

This is a great story about a dog that saves it's owners when they find themselves trapped outside in a snowstorm.

Love dogs!

This Day In History... 84 Years Ago...

1922-In a step toward independence from its neighbor and longtime colonial master, the majority of Ireland declares itself the Irish Free State, part of the Commonwealth of Great Britain. English colonization in Ireland dates to the 12th Century, but under Elizabeth I and Oliver Cromwell violent suppression of Irish rebels and large-scale English settlement at the expense of the Irish became official policy. Centuries of resistance culminated in the struggle for Home Rule, punctuated by the Easter Rising of 1916 and the proclamation of the Irish Free State in 1922. In 1937, the Free State was renamed Eire and declared sovereign and independent; it is now commonly known as the Republic of Ireland.

Thar Be Water In Them Hills!

Told ya.

Photos show evidence of recent water on Mars.

I'm Taking It Back

Yesterday I made a sarcastic remark about defense secretary nominee Robert Gates and called him "Captain Obvious."

Well, I take that back and apologize to Mr. Robert Gates.

In fact, what he was doing was something I haven't seen in so long from our current administration that I failed to notice it at first. It took a while to sink in.

HE WAS TELLING THE TRUTH!


Just last month, Bush said that we were absolutely winning the war in Iraq.

Then Robert Gates goes before the senate and the American people and says "No, we're not."

I like this guy! He actually told the truth and directly contradicted what Bush said just weeks ago.

Robert Gates is a stand up man.

Well done sir, and please, continue your truthful streak.

Paging Lily Taylor

As I walked through the bus terminal this morning a voice came over the announcement system.

"Paging Lily Taylor, Lily Taylor please meet your party at the downstairs entrance. Paging Lily Taylor, Lily Taylor please meet your party at the downstairs entrance."

I like Lily Taylor! I thought about hanging around and hoping to catch a glimpse but then I thought of what I just heard.

Paging Lily Taylor.

That sounds like the name of a movie or maybe a book doesn't it?

Or maybe I should just go to random public places with paging systems and page Lily Taylor.

Maybe she'll show up. And I'll say "Hello, I'm your party."

I think, if she is in a good mood, she would like that.

Major Mars Announcement Today At 1pm

NASA Schedules Briefing to Announce Significant Find on Mars

My guess is WATER.

You heard it here first.

Stinks On A Plane

Flatulence forces plane to land

*click*....this is your captain speaking, I've turned on the seatbelt lights so if you would please return to your seats as we may be experiencing some flatulence.

Thank You, Captain Obvious!

Asked if he thought the United States was winning the war in Iraq, defense secretary nominee Robert Gates answered with a simple "No, sir."

Stuck In The Mud No More

She sails!

On Second Try, Intrepid Agrees to Leave Dock

I had posted before that she was stuck, but today she gave it up and sailed for the first time since 1982.

Floodwatch

Ancient Tsunami Smashed Europe, Middle East, Study Says.

And I'll bet you dollars to donuts that is the source of the "great flood" stories that so many ancient cultures have.

Including the Noah fable.

Do you realize that there are still a lot of people out there that believe the earth is about 6,000 years old and dinosaurs roamed among humans.

So I ask you.... where there dinosaurs on the ark?

Sonar Boy

This is amazing.

Ben Underwood lost his eye to cancer when he was two.

Now he gets around by using clicks from his mouth to gage distances and objects.

The Mystery of Sonar Boy

This is a CBS report that shows him using his skills.

But another amazing thing about this story is his mother.

Her name is Aquanetta.

My mom used Aqua Net when she was younger too, but didn't name any of her children after it!

Escalators

I was in three places today where the escalators were broken.

I see this all the time.

It seems every escalator I take breaks down at least once a month.

Are escalator repairmen unionized? Because they must make boatloads of cash. They've got to be in high demand!

Take the stairs fatty!

The Antikythera Mechanism

An ancient astronomical calculator made at the end of the 2nd century BC was amazingly accurate and more complex than any instrument for the next 1,000 years, scientists said on Wednesday.

Most people do not realize how advanced ancient cultures were. Stones cut with diamond-laser sharp precision found in South American ruins. The Egyptians used batteries. Accurate maps of Antarctica, before it was covered in ice.

There are many scientists that believe there was a great culture that inhabited the Earth up to 12 thousand years ago. These people traveled the earth almost as easily as we do today (albeit no airplanes). There are many names for this race of people, more commonly referred to Atlantians. Not the fable of a continent consumed by the ocean, but of an actual race of people who were master explorers, navigators and astronomers. But a planetary catastrophe ended their culture and scattered the survivors. But traces of their shared heritage can be found throughout the world.

Sounds like sci-fi fantasy doesn't it?

Well, the ancient device described about sounds exactly like what you would find in
The Atlantis Blueprint, which gives a well detailed and fact based look into this civilization.

It's not tought in schools kids, so before you snicker at the notion, look again at The Antikythera Mechanism. That's as real as it gets.

Let It Snow Let It Snow Let It Snow

Do you know what these pictures are?

When I first saw them I thought a plastic toy or parts of a machine were smashed and I'm looking at the pieces.

Nope, they're snowflakes!

It's December 1st. It's 70 degrees. BUT, snow will be here soon.

And that is what snow looks like under an electron microscope.

See more here.

Crack Head Croc

Ok, it's actually an alligator.

But why is it whenever I hear about crack heads, they're naked? Does crack do that? Man, I'm so high, I don't need these clothes!

A man who was attacked by an alligator this morning was naked and smoking crack at the time.

A Baby Seal Walks Into A Club...

I love that joke!

But I don't love this story.

A seal pup has been found at the side of a country lane in Lancashire - about four miles from the sea.

C'mon people! Look how cute he is! How could you just dump him?

If It's Not Scottish, It's Crap!

Nessie is a better-known Scot than Robert Burns or Sean Connery, according to a survey.

I remember when that fleet of boats equipped with high tech sonar searched Loch Ness. I was so hoping to hear they found something.

Nothing. Crap.

Here is the list of top Scots:

1 Loch Ness Monster 29%
2 Robert Burns 27%
3 Sean Connery 12%
4 Robert the Bruce 9%
5 William Wallace 7.5%
6 Robbie Coltrane 6%
7 Billy Connolly 4%
8 Lorraine Kelly 2.5%
9 Ewan McGregor 2%
10 Lulu 1%

OK, I know 7 out of 10. Not bad for a non-Scotsman I think.

Now, I've heard of Robert Burns, but I'm not familiar with his work, so I can't say I know him.

Robbie Coltrane - great actor! Billy Connolly is hysterical.

But Lorraine Kelly? Lulu? Should I know these people?

The only Lulu I know of is Lulu Hogg, wife of Boss Hogg.

And what about this Scot? Love this guy!