The Terrifying Toothpick Fish

Your cringe story of the day.

The vast freshwater ecosystem of the Amazon River is home to abundant animal life, and many of its species thrive by virtue of their ferocity. If one were to ask the locals which of the river's indigenous species is the most treacherous, a few might describe the roaming packs of carnivorous piranhas, or the massive anaconda snakes; but based on the general sentiment of the region, the most frequently uttered response would be "candirú."

The tiny hunter shadows its prey, almost invisible due to its translucent body and small size. When the target fish exhales, the candirú detects the resulting flow of water and makes a dash for the exposed gill cavity with remarkable speed. Within less than a second it penetrates the gill and wriggles its way into place, erecting an umbrella-like array of spines to secure its position.

Oh my golly.

Dirty Money

Is your money safe?

It will be now!

The "Brief Safe" is an innovative diversion safe that can secure your cash, documents, and other small valuables from inquisitive eyes and thieving hands, both at home and when you're traveling.

Bob Seger and The Silver Bullet Band

The man is 61. His band is probably all around the same.

And they still rock.

I went and saw them last night at Madison Square Garden. I was on the younger side of the crowd, which was mostly 40+. Couples, couples with other couples, and roving gangs of older men who are ecstatic to get out of the house and enjoy some music and beers with their friends.

And they were still dancing in their seats and isles. Smoking the weed too! Which for MSG, I was surprised it was let go to such an extent.

And Bob was running around like Mick Jagger on stage. Likes to pump his fist a lot, which I found kind of annoying by the 5th song, but eventually the energy on the stage overcame any cheesy rock star posing.

Great show. Glad I got to see him. No one else wanted to go so I got a single ticket - jackpot! I got close to the stage and a isle seat to boot. $7 a beer is expensive, but it was worth it.

Bob Seger's Greatest Hits was one of the cassette tapes I wore out when I was a kid.

He's still on tour, if you are a fan, I suggest you go. But then again I don't have to tell you that.

Places Not To Start Having An Affair

1. The workplace.

2. Your local sky diving club.

Skydiver charged with murder after love rival fell 13,000ft to her death

The Cloud People Of Peru

Massive, Ancient Building Discovered In The Andes

I love that there are still places to discover on our planet. And yet again, another massive structure that baffles archaeologists.

There is another place associated with The Cloud People, called Kuelap.

The mysterious super fortress of the Chachapoyan Cloud People

This is news to me! When I visit Peru, I was going to see Macchu Pichu. Now I have two places to see! Looks like I'll have to start putting in some extra hours.

FREAKY Fish!

Wowze Wow Wow Imagine seeing this thing!?!? That is something out of a horror movie.

Rare primitive shark captured on film

Watch it swim around and eat children, here.

Ok, it's not eating children.... but it would!!

For 50 Years She Sat In The Ground

Will she run?

Tulsa to dig up car buried for 50 years

My guess - Rust never sleeps. It's junk.

Banana Over Texas

I don't know what to make of this.

It's an elaborate website for a joke. Then again, maybe it isn't.

Geostationary Banana Over Texas

Do You Sniff Your Gum?

The guy at 0:12 seconds into this commerical does.

He loves his gum!

Cheap, Safe Drug Kills Most Cancers

It sounds almost too good to be true: a cheap and simple drug that kills almost all cancers by switching off their “immortality”. The drug, dichloroacetate (DCA), has already been used for years to treat rare metabolic disorders and so is known to be relatively safe.

Well let's get on it!

I'm curious to see if this will show up in the national news.

Because this is pretty big f'n news.

The next step is to run clinical trials of DCA in people with cancer. These may have to be funded by charities, universities and governments: pharmaceutical companies are unlikely to pay because they can’t make money on unpatented medicines. The pay-off is that if DCA does work, it will be easy to manufacture and dirt cheap.

Shocker.

Hey, Bill Gates or some other billionaire who has too much money, little help?!

UFO: Underwater Flying Objects

Sailors, fishermen, dockworkers, police officers, coastal residents and others have reported eerie otherworldly ships emerging from and submerging into local waters.

Well, duh.

Didn't you see The Abyss?

But the article does mention The Battle Of Los Angeles, which is a cool story that you didn't learn in history class.

That's a real picture. Spotlights and antiaircraft firing at something over Los Angeles in February, 1942.

The California State Military Museum will tell you all about it.

The Savior Has Returned!

That's the only explaination.

So welcome your fuzzy lord, Monkey Jesus.

In a mysterious bit of monkey business, a female at a chimpanzee sanctuary has given birth, despite the fact that the facility's entire male chimp population has had vasectomies.

Save The Slender Loris!

The what?

A conservation effort announced today aims to protect some of the world's oddest and most overlooked animal species.

Yangtze River dolphin (which I wrote about here)
Long-beaked echidna
Hispaniolan solenodon
Bactrian camel
Pygmy hippopotamus
Hirola
Golden-rumped elephant shrew
Bumblebee bat
Long-eared jerboa

And of course...

Slender loris :

How cool is he?

So if you see any of these animals, please give them the right of way or your seat on the bus.

Thank you.

AND Does Toilets?

Escaped Chimp Gets Snack, Cleans Bathroom

That's no chimp. That's an angel sent from heaven.

Endangered Redheads

If predictions by the Oxford Hair Foundation come to pass, the number of natural redheads everywhere will continue to dwindle until there are none left by the year 2100.

Too bad. I like redheads.

Therefore, in order to save the species, I volunteer myself to all single child bearing redheads!

Let's do it! Let's do it for our survival!

The Day The Music Mysterously Died

I know this story, but being as I am far removed from the actual date it happend, I never heard the little detail that a gun was on board the plane. Should have interesting results.

----------------------------------------------------------

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. (AP) - The son of "The Big Bopper" has hired a forensic anthropologist to try to answer questions about how his father died in the 1959 plane crash that also took the lives of famous early rock 'n' rollers Buddy Holly and Ritchie Valens.

Jay Richardson, who performs tribute shows as "The Big Bopper Jr.," hopes an examination of his father's remains will settle rumors a gun might have been fired on board the plane, and tell whether the Big Bopper might have survived the crash impact and died trying to go for help.
"I'm not looking for any great bombshell, but then again you never know," Richardson said in a recent phone interview from his home outside Houston.

J.P "The Big Bopper" Richardson is buried in Beaumont, Texas. After his remains are studied they will be reburied and a life-sized statue put up aside the grave.

The rock 'n' roll stars died on Feb. 3, 1959, when their four-passenger plane crashed after taking off from the Mason City, Iowa, airport - a tragedy memorialized as "the day the music died" in Don McLean's song "American Pie."

Following a concert in Clear Lake, Iowa, Waylon Jennings, a member of Holly's band, gave up his seat on the plane to Richardson, who was feeling ill and seeking a shorter trip to the next stop.
An autopsy was performed on the pilot's body, but not on the others.

Dr. Bill Bass, founder of the research facility at the University of Tennessee nicknamed the Body Farm, plans to study the remains in March. He's an expert in determining identities and causes of death.

One of the most famous cases Bass worked on was confirming the identity of the Lindbergh baby who was kidnapped in 1932 and murdered.

In its accident report, the Civil Aeronautics Board said pilot error was the cause of the crash. The report didn't mention a gun belonging to Holly that was found by a farmer two months after the crash.

Newspaper accounts of the gun discovery fueled rumors among fans that the pilot was somehow shot, causing the crash. The owner of the flying service added to the conspiracy theory by insisting his pilot was not at fault, saying the pilot must have been "incapacitated."

No one has ever proved a gun was fired during the flight.
X-rays of the bones should be able to show if the Bopper was hit by a bullet because the lead in the bullet would leave debris.

Another curious finding at the crash was that Richardson's body was discovered nearly 40 feet away from the wreckage, while the others were found in or near the plane.

Bass said examining the bones could determine whether the Bopper could have moved himself from the wreckage or if he was thrown by the force of the crash.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There is one other thing that suprised me was that the forensic expert work on the Lindbergh baby case. IN 1932!!!!!

That was 75 years ago. I don't know how old you have to be to get your forensic license, but let's say back then it was at least 20. This guy has got to be around 95 years old.

They'll open the coffin and he'll scream "Oh no! It's ME! How ca.... oh wait. Never mind."

C.H.U.D!

Bodies of four found in manholes.

I think I know what happened:

Fade in: Night: Police cruisers scattered on the road. Lights of red and blue flash out of synch.

An red unmarked sedan pulls up, slows down and a police officer raises the yellow tape with his arm in order for it to go through.

Scene: two body bags being zipped up. In the distance about twenty feet across the wet, smoking cement is a manhole. Its cover lies next to it.

The red sedan stops and a man gets out. A bit disheveled, unshaven, with a long dark blue trenchcoat. A cigarrette moves from his mouth to his side.

A young police officer hurrieds up. He's out of breath. Pale.

Young officer: "Detective... it's uh.... uhh.. it's bad sir."

Detective: "What's bad, son?"

Officer: "We found two me... two more men... in the manhole over there. Old Man Rivers came across the smell and alerted us. It looks like they've been in there for some time."

The young officer coughs and wipes his mouth.

Dectective: "Manhole. In the manhole."

He looks towards the manhole.

Dectective: "I've seen this before. My gods, don't let them be back."

Officer: "Them? Who them?"

*cue scary music as camera rolls along the cement towards the hole, then dives into the darkness*

Spontaneous Cellbustion

Of your cell phone!!!

A cell phone in the front pocket of a Vallejo man's pants spontaneously combusted, quickly ignited his clothes and left the man with second- and third-degree burns across at least half his body.

So... all of you out there with the cell phone, good luck!!

Liar, Liar, Shots On Fire!

So Paula Abdul goes on the Tonight Show to explain her behavior.

So here is what happened: (From IMDB.com)

"I did a big week of press all last week in New York, and, on the third day, I did one of those press junkets, where you're in that one little room and you're looking at one camera and there are 30 cities talking into your ear. I guess Alabama was in my ear and so was Seattle at the same time. So I'm answering questions to the wrong answers of the cities. So they're going, 'What the heck... what is she saying?'" The singer laughed off the incidents adding, "(It was) not my fault! I was having fun. I answered the right questions in one of the cities!"

Oh. So you were talking to two cities at the same time. That is standard procedure for a press junket?

Lush, it's not that you were answering the question incorrectly - it's HOW you were answering them. Correctly, but smashed off your 80's ass.

And Jay Leno - you suck. You should have played the clip and called her out on it.

Paula Abdul, Straight Up, Now Tell Me...

You got next round!

How many drinks did you have for breakfest?!

When bartending, I see people who are drunk, all the time, who are trying to hold it together for a conversation.

This is a perfect example.

She is trAAAAAAAAssshed!

I love it.

Geography Lesson

I've been telling you to vote for Machu Picchu.

And for those of you who don't know, such as the bright folks over at Royal Nepal Airlines, Machu Picchu is in PERU, not Nepal.

Write that down, there will be a quiz.

Royal Nepal Airlines has apologized to Peru after mistakenly using a photo of the Inca ruins of Machu Picchu to promote tourism in Nepal.

I Have Two Words For You David Beckham

Robbie Williams.


Besides, I've seen this movie before:

Once in a Lifetime: The Extraordinary Story of the New York Cosmos

Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream

Kid Rock came to me and said he was going to get devil's horns implanted on his head.

"Just like that other guy....um...... what's his name?"

"Penn Jillette?" I answered.

"That's right! The magician dude who has them!"



That's what I remember.

You figure it out.

David Caruso!

I've only watched 1 episode of CSI and it was the Miami one.

I couldn't even get through it. I hated it. But why? Why did I hate it?


Oh, yea, this is why:

David Caruso!

I watched the whole thing. I laughed. I cried. I got angry. I laughed again.

People watch this crap? People write this crap? Again, people watch this crap!!?!?!?!?!?

PEOPLE GET PAID MONEY FOR THIS CRAP!??!!?!?




It seems we didn't get.........


*dramatic pause*



What we paid for...



*puts on sunglasses*

*exits stage left*

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

We Are Very Very Small

Do you get it yet?

Well Said...

In America attendance at church is much higher, and it convulses the body politic because, unable to fulfill it's sacral function, the church has become simply a lobbying force for fundamentalist social policy...I think we should level [churches] to the ground and start over.

Terence McKenna

Author Robert Anton Wilson

Is dying.

And still blogging from his deathbed.



Wow.... as I wrote this his page just refreshed and it seems he died. Check out his works, they're great.

R.I.P.

My Thesis On Procr

Research into procrastination shows surprising findings

Duh, I knew that.

Half Empty Coffin

Yet Another Worry for Those Who Believe the Glass Is Half-Empty

Pessimistic?

Don't worry, you'll be dead soon.

Bonnie And Clyde Escape!

Raccoons Bonnie and Clyde dug their way to freedom from their enclosure at The Ark Animal Sanctuary, near Evesham.

Go Bonnie! Go Clyde! Watch the bushes.

Dead Birds Update

Dead wattle bird may hold key to mystery deaths

Poisoning?

Or slamming into a cloaked spacecraft?

I wonder....

Vote Machu Picchu...Again!

Like I said back in November,

Peru pushes to make Inca city one of world wonders

Zorro!

First, Jack The Ripper returns.

Now Zorro!

Police on Tyneside are seeking a man carrying a sword who came to the aid of plain clothes officers during a burglary attempt.

Whale Vs. Boat

Whale Wins!

Whale destroys boat, 'says sorry'

Sorry? Or, "If you were any closer, I'd eat your New Zealand ass. I'm tired of brine."

Pillars Of Creation Toppled

Do you remember seeing this picture when the Hubble telescope first started taking shots?

It was a pretty famous one.

Well, the "pillars", were probably knocked down about 6 to 9 thousand years ago. Perhaps a thousand years from now, someone will be able to witness the destruction in real time.

Pillars of Creation toppled by stellar blast

A Little Help...

The White House will ask Congress for $5.6 billion for the additional troops, and $1.2 billion for rebuilding and jobs programs in Iraq, senior administration officials said.

How about putting that money into New Orleans and dozens of other Gulf Coasts towns that need it?

Would that be such a terrible idea?

Too much? How about half that money? A quarter of it? Would that even be possible?

Squirrels Attack Again.

Squirrels have been attacking.

Now, they've up the ante.

Drastic measures.

Suicide squirrel in opera-hating kamikaze bike spoke mangle.

Suicide squirrels!

Watch your nuts.

You Have A Big Head!

Looks like it could have been taken on another planet doesn't it?

Many on Easter Island Prefer to Leave Stones Unturned

Who Would Have Seen That Coming?!

Psychic Carole Peach, who foretells the future for other people "through a Red Indian guide", could not see it coming that she was about to become another crime statistic.

Good.

I like when people, who make a living ripping people off, get ripped off themselves.

Good karma.

The Birds!

Are dying!

C'mon people... something is going on here!

Several thousand birds mysteriously drop dead in Australia

Large Number Of Dead Birds Close Congress Avenue Near Capitol, AUSTIN, TX.

There was also a stink in NYC that didn't kill any birds, but sure stunk things up again.

Turns out it was a natural mercaptan gas release from a New Jersey marsh or swamp. A natural stinky burp.

Please Forward!

Watch this.

Then watch it again.

Then pass it along to a friend.

Maybe we can make the world a better place.

"The whole thing is so patently infantile, so foreign to reality, that to anyone with a friendly attitude to humanity it is painful to think that the great majority of mortals will never be able to rise above this view of life."

Close Encounters

One of the first stories of the new year was that some workers at Chicago's O'Hare airport saw a UFO hovering over an airport terminal last fall.

There are reports like this all the time but what makes it different is that some of these workers turned out to be pilots, and the FAA is not investigating.

Although the FAA acknowledged that a United Airlines supervisor reported it, now United says officals don't recall discussing any such incident.

Now, Newsweek has an article about this story that should have died, but something is keeping it going.

The witnesses [in this case] are not only responsible but they're qualified by virtue of the fact that they've worked in the aviation industry for decades—each one of them. They're familiar with aircraft, they're familiar with weather phenomena. United Airlines and the FAA have apparently taken the position that it either didn't happen, or if it did happen it was a weather aberration. Well, the written communications that I have in my possession clearly belie that position.

Love these stories.

Today's Middle Finger Salute Goes To...

Pat Robertson.

F YOU SHITDICK!

Last year, you told us the Pacific Northeast would be wiped out by a tsunami.

This year? Millions of Americans will die in terrorist attacks!

Oh, and this was all told to you by "god".

Well, he's just a big stinky liar, liar pants on fire isn't he? Seattle still stands proud!

If there is a god, may he strike you down immediately. I really hope something falls on you. A safe, a piano, an anvil or a AIDS infested transvestite.

Wish On A Russian Rocket

Just yesterday I wrote about the meteorite that hit a New Jersey house.

Then, yesterday in Colorado, during the live local newscast of Good Day Colorado, Traffic reporter Ken Clark got a front row seat to see something exploding over the early morning sky.

Cool.

Thinking it was a metor shower, the on air crew was totally suprised and you can check out the cool video on their website.

Click here for the live story viewers saw on the air.

According to NORAD, it was a spent Russian rocket that was launched last week.

Or W.H.O.P.P.E.R. was playing wargames again.

Joshua, what are you doing?

See The Man About The Horse

Who is that mysterious, elegant man? And why is he sitting on a dead horse?

Such are the questions sparked by a black-and-white photograph taken in Sheboygan, Wisconsin, between 1876 and 1884 that has led to nationwide curiosity, speculation and jokes.

Nationwide curiosity? Is this what people are talking about these days?

Anyway, I think the best thing about the story was that it reminded me we have a town called Sheboygan!

It's fun to say! Try it: Sheboygan! Sheboygan! Sheboygan!

You've Gov Mail!

W pushes envelope on U.S. spying

I'm torn about this one. I didn't mind the phone tapping when the story came out because I always figured they'd be able to listen whether or not you liked it or if it was illegal. They've been doing that for decades. And yes, I did take the "If you're not doing anything illegal, then don't worry about it" stance.

And now this.

This is the U.S. Mail - the best mail system in the world and a huge part of our country's beginning. It helped bring us all together. Who didn't love hearing the mail slot bang when you were a kid and run to the door to see if you got any? Waiting for the Sears catalogue to see the new toys! Letters on your birthday that you knew held cash? That's a good memory.

Now, if you read the article you'll see that the law actually reinforces protections of first-class mail from searches without a court's approval.

That's a good thing.

But it's the declaring the right to open people's mail under emergency circumstances that troubles me.

If there was another anthrax scare - I don't think people would mind if there were precautions taken to open their mail if there is reason to suspect anthrax. If there are mail bombs going off - same thing. I don't think you need to declare that in an emergency situation you're going to do that. I'd like to think common sense would have you do that anyway.

So now I just don't trust this. I do think Bush is abusing power.

And he's not smart enough to abuse power correctly.

But whoever is pulling the strings certainly has their reasons. I was willing to budge on the phones, as I think sacrifice is needed to be protected, but now the slide down the slippery slope as started. And you know what that means.

Men marrying cows!!

Heads Up!

N.J. unidentified falling object may be meteorite

These things do hit things every once in a while. I remember as a kid seeing the picture in the Guinness Book Of World Records of the woman who was hit with one. It crashed through the roof and nailed her in the side.

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Look at the size of it!!

It was 1954 and the woman was Mrs. Hulitt Hodges of Sylacauga, Alabama.

You want to know what else has been it? Check out this list.

These things do some serious damage. And as you can see, the amount of hits increase every 25 years. But I wouldn't worry, the chances of one landing near you is remote. But I do worry that it will take one of these rocks to fall on Washington DC's head before anyone thinks - Hmmm, maybe we should devote some time and money to watching the skies.

Because the big ass meteorites that hit?

We are about 400 years OVERDUE.

Subways Do's And Don'ts

DO: Keep playin' that hoe-down fiddle music! Much better than the usual 1980's beat box breakdancing routine.

DON'T: Do your stupid meditating prayer motions and chants!

This morning this guy puts his head down, arms outstretched on his legs, palms up and starts muttering while a nice big backpack sits between his legs.

I'm sitting right across from him wanting to kick him in the face. I should have kicked him in the face.

In case you didn't hear asshole, people are still just a bit jittery about the next terrorist attack and you praying to your non-existent invisible asshole in the sky, during rush hour, on a subway doesn't f'n help!


5 people got up and moved to the other end of the car.

I actually sat there and watched this guy until my stop. I don't know why and I don't know what I would have done if he went into his bag, probably for a newspaper or a bottle of water.

Just keep your prayin' at home asshole.

Time Marches On

Protest can't stop march of time

HUNDREDS of French demonstrators saw in the New Year - by holding a protest against it.
People carrying banners reading "No to 2007" and "Now is better" marched through the streets of Nantes.

They called on the United Nations to stop the "mad race" of time and declare the indefinite suspension of the future.

The protest was an attempt to make fun of French people's apparent fondness of saying no to any kind of change and as a different way to "celebrate" New Year.

When their demonstration failed and the bells sounded the start of 2007, they quickly moved on to the next stage of they campaign - chanting "No to 2008".



At least they are persistent.

Slow Walkers

HATE THEM.


If it is not an option for you, I understand.

But if you're just lollygagging down the middle of the sidewalk or hallway - pick a side!

MOVE IT!!!