Friday, August 25, 2006

What Else Is Happening Is On Vacation

See you in September!

*everybody now*

See yooooouuuuu when the summer's through........

Much Ado Over Pluto

Pluto vote 'hijacked' in revolt

A dwarf planet? Shouldn't it be "little" planet? I say give Pluto back!

Abandoned Ship!


Dead calm. Spooky.

Just like the Mary Celeste.

Brady Bong

According to Barry Williams' autobiography, in this scene where the station wagon pulls up with the canoe on top, Barry is as high as a kite.

Fantastic. Watch his handling of the bicycle pump.

You can fast forward to 1:50 to where the scene starts, or watch the opening credits.

You know you want to sing along.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Hail To The Pig

In George Orwell's Animal Farm, the pig executed all animals who opposed or questioned him.

Pig farmers will tell you that pigs have the brain capacity of a 4 year old child.

If you take those two type of hypothetical pigs, you get this:

I love my pigs.

Silly Hats Only

This video has been around for a while, but I recently came across it again and yes, I thought, it is the funniest cartoon ever.

Check out Don Hertzfeldt's "Rejected".

By Deb.. Hello Ernie.

Tropical Storm Ernesto may rise as Debby veers off

Ernesto? Ooooooh how scary. Watch this turn into a big one.

Bagel, Cream Chesse, Hold The Mold

Today I bought a bagel from a Mrs. Fields shop in New York's Port Authority.

As I was about to take a bite I glanced a little bit o' green fuzz.

A moldy bagel.

I hope to get my appetite back sometime this afternoon. A man's gotta eat!

Here is Mrs. Fields founder, and her name is DEBBI!!!!! That name is cursed to me!!!!

Aww, you look as sweet as that cake.


The Red Planet

No, really... the Red Planet.

China and Russia to launch joint mission to Mars

Hey NASA... Get your ass to Mars!

Meow Meow Hey Granny Meow Meow

Judge to Rule if 'Meowing' Is Harassment

The kid is 14. Here's what to do. You hit the kid on the head with your gavel and tell him to cut it out, leave the old lady alone.

Then you fine the old lady for filing a stupid lawsuit.

Then fire the judge for waiting 90 DAYS to make a decision.

He Was A Good Man And Will Be Missed. Anyone Have Ten Ones For A Ten?

China acts on funeral strippers

There's more than one stiff here.

Damn It Pluto, I Want Your Badge, Your Gun And Your Planet Status!

Pluto demoted

I was hoping it would stay a planet. Oh well. My name is on the New Horizons spacecraft (and with thousands of others) heading for Pluto and I was looking forward to saying "My name is at a planet!" Now it's just "My name is at a minor planet." Either way, I'm sure the response to both statements will be a universal, "Dork."

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Some Animals You Just Don't Eat

Like Snails.


Beijing snail illness cases rise

The City With A Lot Of Nicknames

The Windy City
The Second City
The City By The Lake
The City With Big Shoulders
Hog Butcher For The World
My Kind Of Town
The City With A Lot Of Nicknames.... probably the most... am I missing any?

The Meanest Theater Prank Since Chunk Tossed That Fake Puke And People Started Really Puking

Life Imitates Art at 'Snakes' Screening. From

New Samuel L Jackson film Snakes On A Plane became terrifyingly real for Arizona cinema-goers when pranksters released two live rattlesnakes into the theatre, causing widespread panic. The two young venomous diamondback rattlers were released during a screening in Phoenix on Friday. Local news reports say the snakes caused chaos among the audience and snake wranglers were called in to collect them. No one was injured during the incident and the culprits have not been caught. Officials believe the snakes were smuggled into the theatre in backpacks. According to Phoenix Herpetological Society spokesman Daniel Marchand, "All they've got to do is startle this thing. It's dark. They can't see you that well. If it's scared - boom - it strikes!" The snakes were eventually captured and released into the Arizona desert.

Bastards. Funny bastards.

The Women All Were Beautiful, The Men Stood Straight And Tall

They offered life in sacrifice, so that others could go on.

No kidding.

Aztecs butchered, ate invaders

The prisoners were kept in cages for months while Aztec priests from what is now Mexico City selected a few each day at dawn, held them down on a sacrificial slab, cut out their hearts and offered them up to various Aztec gods.


Debby Strengthens

She's now a tropical storm. Heading right for me. She'll change her mind soon. And cash in those rain checks to wet my vacation next week. Probably send a nice undertow to the shoreline to drag me away. Thanks Deb.

In Russia, Ball Drives You!

Space station cosmonaut 'go' for golf stunt

Ok, this story is only an excuse to for me to break out a Yakov Smirnoff joke. Ever since the wall came down, his jokes need the work.

Straight Up Now Tell Me...

Are you going fishing?

Shoveling snow?

Cleaning out your septic tank?

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Psycho Killer Raccoons

I didn't even bother coming up with a title - it speaks for itself.

Psycho Killer Raccoons Terrorize Olympia

I remember raccoons running through our yard as a kid. There would be a few big ones, then 5 or 6 little guys trotting behind. They'd go through our garbage and Dad had to buy raccoon resistant ones that were bigger, therefore held more trash and there for was more of a bitch to drag to the curb every Thursday night.

One day I threw a few raccoons a sugarcone.

I couldn't believe the shriek and growls and teeth baring I saw as they fought each other over that cone. I swore they'd fight to the death.

Where's the robot that helps fight psycho killer raccoons?

Loose Lips Sink Spaceships

Spaceman spills the beans

So the new name of NASA Moon rocket, is called Orion. How sci-fi-ish.

What will it look like? Will we beat China in the new space race? Who will be the first to reach the alien base on the dark side of the moon?

Never mind that last question. You never heard it.

The Last Milkman

Milk man calls it quits after 70 years

Not many loyal workers out there anymore. The best line from this story: Priest was so well known and trusted that customers allowed him to put milk, ice cream and other dairy purchases in their refrigerator when they weren't home.

Now that is a man you can count on.

Here Comes Debby

Um, I have to wash my hair

Depression in Atlantic may become Tropical Storm Debby

I once asked out a girl named Debby. But it was with an "ie".

Turned me down. Repeatedly, with the "I'm busy, rain check?" line. Well, I got a whole bunch of rain checks and no where to cash 'em.

Just say NO.

A Wise Man Once Said...

Today we live in a society in which spurious realities are manufactured by the media, by governments, by big corporations, by religious groups, political groups...So I ask, in my writing, What is real? Because unceasingly we are bombarded with pseudo-realities manufactured by very sophisticated people using very sophisticated electronic mechanisms. I do not distrust their motives; I distrust their power. They have a lot of it. And it is an astonishing power: that of creating whole universes, universes of the mind. I ought to know. I do the same thing.

Philip K. Dick (1978)

1978. Wow.

Phil, it's gotten even worse.

Melting Pot

Greenland's glaciers have been shrinking for 100 years

I like the read these articles because the whole "Global Warming" scare is blown WAY out of proportion.

The Artic Ice shelf is melting too. But is HAS been for the last 3,000 years. It's breaking off at the edges but the actual interior of the ice shelf has gotten THICKER. Look it up.

Sure, that's bad for polar bears, but not as bad as some environmentalists claim for us.

Relax folks, the Earth will shake us off one day like nothing happened and then continue to live with other species that will never know human culture or existence. (Unless we get off this planet)

As for the polar bears, they'll eventually mate with grizzles and a new bear breed will survive. Unless they disapprove of interracial breeding, but who would be so ignorant?

Robot Invasion!

The Robots Are Coming!

"The robots are on the move--leaping, scrambling, rolling, flying, climbing. They are figuring out how to get here on their own. They come to help us, protect us, amuse us--and some even do floors."

AND soon will be fighting them in the streets. Again, you were warned here first.

The Gods Are Sane, It's Us Humans That Are Crazy

Dozens of Nepali women stripped naked and plowed their fields in west Nepal, hoping to appease the gods and get some much needed rain

Yep. I've said it before. Some of us really aren't that far removed from flingin' the virgin into the volcano.

The only one this will appease is the men watching.

Twin Girls Separated, Then Reunited

What can I say? They're cute and it's a nice story. So there. Don't tell anyone I said so.

Separated and abandoned in China, twin girls find each other in America

Prison Break

Season two of Prison Break, the excellent FOX show, started last night and it was not disappointing.

This season, they are out of the prison, and on the run. A great set up for multiple story lines, and the excellent addition of William Fitchtner, who was recently on yet another cancelled too soon show - Invasion, which really was a good match with Lost on Wednesday night. ABC's loss.

It looks like the writers took a cue from last year's excellent show run of "24" and "The Shield" and killed off a main character in a very surprising and disturbing way.

It worked! Once again I yelled "HOLY #$&@" at the TV as the show ended.

After a few months off, this is my first "Appointment Viewing" TV Show. Every Monday at 8, I'll be watching.

I know more and more people take the TiVo route, but I still enjoy getting to the couch in time to catch it first run. Soon "24" will be back, and... the best show on television, "The Shield".


Monday, August 21, 2006

The Best Cooking Show EVER

There are so many cooking shows on today... everyone forgets the original and best.

The Swedish Chef

Here he is making a banana split. (this one is brilliantly hilarious)

Here he is making spaghetti.

Here is a 14 minute clip of some of his best recipe's.

When I was a kid, I would get in trouble singing The Swedish Chef's theme song, because I would have to have a utensil in each hand, and after singing "MORK MORK MORK", you throw the utensils behind you, and if you're lucky, hitting one of your brothers, but it's not like you were aiming. They were in a high chair, it's not like they could jump out of the way or anything.

You HAVE to throw the utensils. It's just part of the song.

Someone Get That Adult Off The Field

6-foot-8 Little Leaguer towers over foes

Someone check that kid's papers. If he's 13, then I'm NewBlue Von Trapp and I am 13 going on 33.


Man survives 1 000m fall

I've gone parachuting once before and it is a pure thrill. There is nothing like breaking through the clouds and watching the Earth appear beneath you and the horizon stretch out so far and clear you reach out to grab it.

Then again, your parachute might not open.

Return Of The Mammoth!

Mammoths may roam again after 27,000 years

I say bring 'em back. Let 'em roam. Let 'em breed.

Mammoth babies make great vaccum cleaners.

And The Cow Jumped Over The Cliff

Woman's narrow escape as cow falls from cliff

Did the cow leave a note?

Where was the husband? Up on the cliff with the cow?

So many unanswered questions. 'Tis strange, a cow jumper.

Free Energy Here! Get Your Free Energy!

Scientists flock to test 'free energy' discovery

Every couple years you will hear claims about a scientist discovering a renewable powers source of unlimited energy. Cold fusion. Of course so many of them have called the "free energy wolf" that no one believes them.

Well it seems that Steorn, a tech company in Ireland, claims to have hit upon a way of developing clean, free and constant energy. When they announced their findings, they got a collective "Yea, right. Whatever", from everybody.

But these guys took the next step, putting out an advertisement inviting everyone to check it out. They're putting their cards on the table.

This will be an interesting story to watch.

Steorn could become the savior the Earth needs, or it will disappear, covered-up by Big Oil.

Ireland has been in the forefront of humanity's greatest discoveries.

Watch this in case you forgot.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Bianca's Got TALENT!!!

So there was this show on called America's Got Talent. I never watched it.

But I read today that a little 11 year old girl from Philadelphia won, so, being from the best city in the world, I had to check it out.

WOW. She may be 11, but she has the voice of an 'ol soul sassy woman. Unbelievable.

Check out some clips of her belting out tunes.

I Thought I Was Dead But Then I Found Out I Was In Nebraska

Man arrested for 226th time; Nebraska record safe

A number of people have more than 500 arrests in Lincoln, a city of 226,000 people. The record is held by Edward Rooks, who died in 2004, with 652 arrests.

Sounds like a nice place to visit.

Over 500 arrests!? Why bother, just shoot 'em.

A New Picture For My Wall

Oh I like this one... One dog goes one way, the other dog goes the other way, and this guy's sayin', "Whadda ya want from me?'

Update On The Giving Tree

Tree's real miracle now can be seen

The water department turned off the house's water, and the tree stopped giving water.

Miracle shmiracle. Next update will be the Jesushead waterstain.

Four Bananas Make A Bunch And Seven Many More

WOW I still want a Banana Buggy!!!

Banana Splits

Holy Chocolate!

Holy Shit

Workers at candy company see form of Virgin Mary in chocolate

I'm trying to figure out who is dumber. Scientoligists or people who see god, Mary, Jesus in tree trunks, fence posts, soup cans, etc., etc....

Me? I see a turd.


The best Bigfoot footage EVER.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Pot Meet Kettle

"People think he looks so normal, and he's so sweet and so earnest, but he can't carry a tune in a bucket." — Justin Timberlake on American Idol champ Taylor Hicks in Fashion Rocks, a supplement to Vanity Fair.

Uh huh. Bye Bye Bye.

You Really Can Find Anything On EBay

Like a new species of Sea Urchin.

If you'd like a cool ornament for your fish tank instead of that stupid fake treasue chest that blows bubbles, it is still available on Ebay.

Brain Booster

Fastest-evolving human gene linked to brain boost

Scientists have found a key gene that helped seperate humans from our common human-chimp like ancestors all those millions of years ago.

Nice going shouting that out to the press! When the chimps find out... you know what's next...