Friday, September 29, 2006

Uwe Boll Vs. His Critics

Uwe Boll makes movies.

I haven't seen any of them, but I do remember the reviews. Dreadful. And seriously mean. I don't usually read reviews until after I see a movie and sometimes I think they've got it right, but for the most part, these guys/gals watch movies and give their opinions and get paid for it and that makes me mad as in "why don't I have that job?" And most of the times they are wrong. In my opinion.

ANYWAY.... Uwe Boll's movies get awful reviews. So what does he do?

He challenges his biggest critics to a boxing match.

4 of them take the challenge.

4 of them GO DOWN.

Nice. Good for you Uwe. You have a weird name, but I like what you did and I'll go see your next movie, throw you a little coin.

Here are some of the highlights of the matches.

Beware Of Squirrels. Mom Is Right!

Squirrels Go On Attack At South Bay Park

First they bury their nuts in my Mom's plants and now their attacking 4 year olds for cookies!

This behavior cannot continue!!

I Have Many Anchovies For You!

MADRID, Spain (AP) - Millions of anchovies - a protected species in Europe - have died in northern Spain after an unexplained mass beaching, officials said Friday.

The fish, all juveniles, were found stranded along large stretches of Colunga beach, 35 miles east of the port city of Gijon, a normally pristine seaside landscape in the verdant province of Asturias.

"More than three tons have been found so far, and our main - untested - hypothesis at the moment is that they tried to flee from predators and accidentally beached," said Luis Laria, chief coordinator of a marine protection unit working with the government.

Laria said a European Union moratorium on fishing anchovies along the northern Atlantic coast of Spain and the western coast of France has been in place for two months. Less rigorous fishing restrictions had been used for the previous two years.

Imagine the smell of that beach. Yech.


Here is the Newsweek cover story for this week:

Oh, they publish all over the world, so there may be some slight differences due to language and culture:

And we wonder why Americans are ill-informed

Cancel my subscription.

The Beaker People

RESEARCHERS at a Scottish university are to carry out a major study to shed new light on the mysterious Beaker people, who flourished across Europe more than 4,000 years ago.

Beaker People! Image thousands of Beakers roaming Europe!

Oh wait, I forgot about the Netherlands.

I'm Not A Vegetarian Because I Love Animals...

I'm a Vegetarian because I hate plants. - A. Whitney Brown

I've recently seen plants in a different light this month. One, this article:

Parasitic weed seems to smell its prey

And second, this book:

It's a quick, creepy read that'll leave you a bit disturbed. It's excellent. Check it out.

Lost: One U.S. Navy Blimp


New Photos Reveal 1935 Airship at Bottom of Pacific Ocean

Nowadays you'll only find blimps at McDonalds.

Transfat airlines.

Confucius Say...

Confucius say, if you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient.
Confucius say, do not drink and park, accidents cause people.
Confucius say, woman who go to man's apartment for snack, get titbit.
And a bunch of other things...

But now, Confucius say, bring on the women!

For the first time in more than 2,500 years the family tree of the ancient Chinese philosopher, Confucius, is to include women descendants.

Ladies, you could be a long lost daughter of the fortune cookie founder.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

My Mother Hates Squirrels

It's true.

She just wrote me:

"I planted mums over the weekend and they look nice. Squirrels got to some of them, buried nuts in the plants...I hate squirrels."

Personally, I like squirrels, but if they mess with Mom, they're going DOWN.

What Is Object X?

Art Smuggler Offers Italy Mystery Masterpiece `X' to End Trial

A convicted antiquities smuggler has offered to return a previously unknown ancient masterpiece known as ``Object X'' to Italy in exchange for reducing the jail time and fines he faces for supplying loot to U.S. museums.

What is it!? I want to know!

You know Michelangelo's David? Well, it's probably his lesser known work, "Bud", David's unemployed, fat older bother.

Rock Lobster Got The Blues

Bluey's lucky escape

Oh I miss Pinchy! *sob*

To Pee, Or Not To Pee, Sitting Down

A local decision that schoolboys must sit on toilet seats when urinating has provoked political debate.



Seen On A T-Shirt:

I Survived The SooperDooperLooper Rollercoaster!
Hershey Park, PA.

Did ya? Did ya really?


Wednesday, September 27, 2006

How You Make 'Em Snowball In July?

I posted about one of my favorite commercials here, and it involves the streets of San Francisco.

Here is another ad that uses those hills to perfectly sell themselves:

It's called Snowball.

How You Make


It was the end of the century, and the best band that never got signed but earned thousands of fans came out of Binghamton, New York.


Unfortunately, they've been downsized to just a MySpace account, although my heart was broken when I found out the reunited last month for two shows I could not make.

They have a few songs available to download. Listen. If you like 'em, tell 'em.

I recommend So This Is Heaven, followed by An Ugly Truth Live as starters.

Cahl Me'now Fahr Your Free Hot Lesbian Session


The former informercial psychic, whose real name is Youree Dell Cleomili Harris, has recently come out of the closet in an interview with The Advocate magazine and admits that she is a lesbian.

Imagine, she could have doubled her earnings off the dummies that called her if she offered some hot one on one girl action along with your fortune.

Ham, Salami, Cappacola, Provolone and Tin Foil

This is what I had for lunch. It was heated up and wrapped in tin foil and delicious.

But after my first two bites, I realized that there were tiny pieces of tin foil in the sandwhich where it was cut in half.

I managed to scrape the rest off but I think I have some tiny pieces of tin foil floating around in me now.

What does this mean? I do not know.

This my be my last post. This foil could kill me. So, to all 4 people who read this, goo...

Something Bit My Toe!

A flesh-eating piranha was caught this week in a Dundalk, Maryland park pond

First the snakeheads, now piranhas!?

It is not safe to go back into the water.

Were you ever at the beach, swimming, and felt something pinch your toe or brush by your leg?

I hate that!

Prom King.... Almost

Schoolboy lands lunch date with beauty queen

I like this girl. Jennifer Hawkins. Not because she was former a Miss Universe, but because she said yes to a 17 year who asked her to the school dance.

But because of too much publicity, she cancelled.

BUT, she did meet with the guy for lunch.

She could have went to that dance, but it would have been all about her and not the kid.

I think that's cool. Seems like a classy lady.

Sit Ubu Sit. Now Turn Over. Turn Over The Car.

Dog starts car after eating chip

When AA patrolman Kevin Gorman arrived at the scene in Addlestone, Surrey, he found its immobiliser chip was missing.

Ms Piesley said her dog George had eaten something, and realising it was the chip, he put the dog in the front seat and started the car with the key.

I don't know much about cars, but if someone could explain this to me I'd appreciate it.

So the dog, with the immobiliser chip in him, needs to be near the ignition in order for the car to start?

Crushed By His Own Ego

Report: T.O. attempted suicide

I'm a Philadelphia Eagles fan, so you can imagine what I think about T.O. in the first place.

But if it turns out to be a legitimate suicide attempt, you'll get no sympathy from me.

Suicide is a coward's way out.

Or... he choked on his ego.

"Idomeneo" Idiots

Muslim anger fear halts opera

A leading opera house called off a production of Mozart's "Idomeneo" that features the severed head of the Prophet Mohammed, setting off a furious debate Tuesday over Islam, freedom of speech and the role of art.

And if you are giving in to that moronic fear, then just burn the opera house down, you don't deserve to enjoy any opera.

Please Add So and So To Your Email Distribution Lists

The poor guy just started here, why would I want to do such a cruel thing?


Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Turn On Your Handlight

Study: Human Hands Emit Light

Human hands glow, but fingernails release the most light, according to a recent study that found all parts of the hand emit detectable levels of light.

I'll try and remember that as I'm fumbling through my apartment on the way to the bathroom at 4am and I don't want to turn on the light because it'll hurt my eyes ow ow ow.

But in reality, it's one of those lights that is invisible to the naked eye. Damn EM spectrum limitations!

Our Spaceport's First Flight

Not many people know, but the U.S. is constructing the first "Spaceport", which will launch commerical flights into space.

It's a long way from being Mos Eisley, but it's a start.

Speaking of starts, New Mexico's Spaceport America had its first launch yesterday.

It crashed.

Hey, at least it's a start!

Cute, Cuddly KILLER

Teddy bear is a killer

This bear killed 2,500.

2,500 trout.

But how he got there, that is the fishy part. If you ask me, there is a diabolical child out there, planning his, possibly her, next genocide.

Monday, September 25, 2006


I'm going in three weeks.

Never been.

Any suggestions or points of interest would be appreciated.

Thank you.

Pirate Rock


Keith Richards "Drunk" on 'Pirates of the Caribbean' Set
Keith Richards appearance in the second Pirates Of The Caribbean sequel descended into chaos after he reportedly got so drunk on the movie set, the film's director had to prop him up. The hellraising Rolling Stones guitarist finally shot his long awaited cameo as Johnny Depp's father in Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End earlier this summer, but he is unlikely to remember the occasion which concluded months of speculation. Bill Nighy, who plays Davy Jones in the film, tells Empire Online that Richards was inebriated by the time the production team retrieved him from his trailer to shoot his scene, and he required a little support from director Gore Verbinski. The 62-year-old rocker is reported to have remarked, "If you wanted straight, then you got the wrong man."

I love Keith Richards.

If ever there was a man who lives life to the fullest, it's the cyborg Richards.

4 Piece Chicken Meal For $3.99

Henrietta the chicken was living inconspicuously among 36,000 other birds at Brendle Farms for 18 months -- until a foreman noticed she had four legs.

"The chicken drags her extra feet behind her at the farm in in Somerset, Pennsylvania."

Lazy bird.

King Egghead

Wicked googly!

I hope it is true. Gone are the days when royalty could do crazy, insane, sexual devious acts, just because they were royalty. If Prince Albert wanted in the can, he would have it in the can!

If I were king, you could be sure I'd be eating eggs on my estate while conducting a live midget chess game while chambermaids wash the royal jewels.

It would be a short reign before the pitchforks and torches show up at the castle walls, but c'mon, let's have some indulgence left in the world. Is that so bad?

Jimini Crickets and Beer!

A recent report said that the Agent Orange sprayed in Vietnam has not caused any mental or physical abnormalities in the native population.

After reading this, I beg to differ.

Breeders of crickets say the insects have become "finger food for beer drinkers"

Bug eaters.

Big Park, Big Trees

1890-A U.S. National Park is established in Central California. Sequoia National Park is named after the giant redwoods that inhabit the landscape of Central California.

Friday, September 22, 2006


One last time. With special guests at the end of the video.


High school's dances grind to a halt

A furor over what Concord High School administrators call an "overtly sexual" style of dancing at school dances has split the school community: There are those who defend the students'right to dance however they want and those who believe the moves are just plain inappropriate.

Wow, the same thing happened to me when I would do the Charleston.

When are they going to learn? You tell kids "NO! Don't do that!" when it comes to something like dancing, they'll go somewhere else to do it, just like the story says. Can't do it here? We'll do it there.

This is a non-issue. The kids are seniors. In a year or two they'll be in college laughing about how they danced like idiots. It's harmless.

Personally, I think the principal needs a good thrusting of his own. Moron.

Speaking of Footloose, I think my favorite line of the movie is "Oh shit my shoelace is stuck on the tractor and Bonnie Tyler is calling for me! She needs a hero!!!"

Was that a line? I think that was a line.

If our lord wasn't testing us, how would you account for the proliferation, these days, of this obscene rock and roll music, with its gospel of easy sexuality and relaxed morality!

Oscar Must Be Selling Weed and 'Shrooms.

Because no one laughs this hard at something funny unless they're f'd up.

Elmo is trippin'

A Long Time Ago...

1784-Russian fur trappers establish a settlement on Alaska's Kodiak Island, the first permanent Eurasian settlement in Alaska since the original migrants crossed the Bering Land Bridge roughly 10,000 years earlier.

Which Came First The Minnow Or The Egg?

Fish egg 'miracle' needs cracking

So a bunch of bio majors find three minnows in a sealed duck's egg.

Obviously, they were transported there from the future. They are termiminnows, sent beck to destroy the Afflack Duck.

I don't know.

Die Laughing

As I mentioned here, Die Hard is one of my favorite movies and there is a fourth one comming out next summer.

More news on Live Free Or Die Hard.

Justin Long (Accepted) has been set to co-star with Bruce Willis in Live Free or Die Hard, the fourth installment in the John McClane franchise.

Long plays a computer-savvy accomplice who helps McClane take on a terrorist organization around the July Fourth holiday.

Justin is a good guy. He was hysterical on the much missed show Ed.

He was funny in Dodgeball as well.

And I met him a couple years ago, at the Barrow St. Ale House in NYC and we played a round of Buck Hunter. As gay as that might sound, it's a hunting game where you try and shoot deer. Anyway, we were both there by ourselves and I was playing Golden Tee and we struck up a conversation. Nice guy, down to earth. Bad kisser. What?

Good for him he got the role. My concern is John McClain is going to have a comic sidekick. Doesn't look good for the series. We'll see.

Another Makeover Show

Dahhling, you look too rugged, you have a lousy 5 o'clock shadow and those craters have got to go!

There we go, you look so much more.... au natural!

Face on Mars gets makeover

I'm Burning...I'm Burning

Burning Man Festival

Never been. Thousands of freaks out in the desert freaking out. Cool.

They practically create a whole city:

I can see my RV from here!

I came across this cool webpage of some pictures, check it out.

B.Y.O.B. Bring Your Own Bore

Next Monday on XM Radio, Oprah & Friends starts.

I love my XM, but if those people in the above picture were in my living room?

Worst. Party. Ever.

I'd stab myself with the fondue fork.

You Are Here.

Here is a picture of Saturn's newly discovered ring taken by the Cassini spacecraft, which is orbiting 930 million miles away from Earth.

Oh yea, that little dot? That little speck? The little piece of dust that might be on the lens?

That's Earth.

We're small, people. Remember that.

Carl Sagan wrote a book 'Pale Blue Dot' the title coming from a picture of the earth from Voyager in 1990. He wrote:

We succeeded in taking that picture [from deep space], and, if you look at it, you see a dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever lived, lived out their lives. The aggregate of all our joys and sufferings, thousands of confident religions, ideologies and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilizations, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every hopeful child, every mother and father, every inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every superstar, every supreme leader, every saint and sinner in the history of our species, lived there on a mote of dust, suspended in a sunbeam.

The earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that in glory and in triumph they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of the dot on scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner of the dot. How frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe, are challenged by this point of pale light.

Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity -- in all this vastness -- there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. It is up to us. It's been said that astronomy is a humbling, and I might add, a character-building experience. To my mind, there is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly and compassionately with one another and to preserve and cherish that pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Coup de Cage

HONG KONG (AP) - Thailand's military coup this week interrupted filming of Nicolas Cage's new movie, a gangster thriller being shot in Bangkok, a news report said Thursday.
The Chinese news Web site said Cage had prepared a private jet to leave the country on short notice.

Hong Kong-born twin brothers Danny and Oxide Pang are remaking their 1999 film, "Bangkok Dangerous," said.

When news of the coup on Tuesday night reached the crew, Cage was sent back to his hotel. Crew members remained on the set to keep an eye on prop guns until Cage persuaded the producer to send everyone home, according to the report.
The directors couldn't immediately be reached for comment.

What they aren't reporting is that the actual coup had NOTHING to do with Thailand's goverment, but rather Nick Cage's coup of Tom Hank's hair from The DaVinci Code.

Would You Eat A Cockroach?

Great Adventure is daring customers to eat a live Madagascar hissing cockroach in exchange for unlimited line-jumping privileges.

I like rides and loop-de-loops, but not that much!!!!

I'd rather buy a b.b. gun and kidnapp security guard John Candy to get on rides quicker.

The River Gargoyle

Here's a cool mystery from Illinois.

A man pulled out a 100 lb. gargoyle from the Rock River.

He even give out his phone number, in case anyone has any idea how it got there.

I'm going to call him today. I'll ask if his refrigerator is running.


Chubby Bunny

Do not anger the marshmallow gods!

Chubby Bunny sounds like the name of a strip joint. I'm just sayin'.

Policia Loco

Mexico: Policeman Reports Seeing "Two Witches"

Witnesses to this event stated that they do not know for sure if two witches were involved, but are indeed certain that they have no explanation for this phenomenon, or the three bottles of tequila found in his squad car.