Monday, April 30, 2007


That'll do little pig, that'll do.

It's Always The god Fearing...

That are the most twisted.

"It can be done for some form of sexual gratification but it's not clear what Mr Kemp's intentions were."
It was totally kinky sex. I saw this on one of HBO's Real Sex shows. You're pretty much sealed to perfection like astronaut food then your partner tickles you or something. Didn't seem to sexy to me, but hey, I once saw a guy pay a lot of money to be used as a footstool for some dominatrix. People can be really, really weird.
And it's usually the church goin' folk, after being suppressed and feeling guilty about their real feelings for years, they eventually fall into a pattern of dirty little thoughts and denial. Just look at any of those church leaders who get caught with their pants down in front of some other guy on he knees, and he ain't praying.
This guy was the organist. After years of playing Ode To Joy and Amazing Grace, it was only natural that this guy woke up one day and felt like being molested through a zip lock bag.

Damn The Torpedos


Thursday, April 26, 2007

A Must Read

This article is so good.

Bush's Mistake and Kennedy's Error

It's not political. There is no left side, nor right side.

Just logical.

Basically, with the House & Senate at odds with the White House these days, we are looking very indecicivly as a country. We don't seem sure of ourselves.

We need to start a healing process and that starts with Step One:

To quote the article:

Imagine what would happen if George W. Bush delivered the following speech:

This administration intends to be candid about its errors. For as a wise man once said, "An error does not become a mistake until you refuse to correct it." We intend to accept full responsibility for our errors.... We're not going to have any search for scapegoats ... the final responsibilities of any failure are mine, and mine alone.

Bush's popularity would skyrocket, and respect for his ability as a thoughtful leader willing to change his mind in the teeth of new evidence would soar. That is precisely what happened to President John F. Kennedy after the botched Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba, when he spoke these very words.

Souljacker Part 1 - The Eels

Medevil Morons

Well it isn't going away. Last week I said that some men in India need to lighten up.

Dear JAIPUR, India.

You are on par with the hypocritical assholes who run Iran. If you're a woman who is showing too much face or even a man who wears his pants to tight, well, you're gonna get a talking to yes-sir-ee! Although I agree about all the captain tightpants out there, but hey, if it works for them, who am I to judge?

So, to the city of JAIPUR, INDIA...

Once a governing body feel it knows what is good and what is bad for it's individual people, they're on the road to doomsville.

Pay attention America, we are on that doorstep.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Hey! You! Come Out From That Cloud!

Mick is not the only member of the band to believe in aliens. Guitarist Keith Richards has also admitted to "seeing a few".

The Stones are the closest thing we have to aliens anyway.

Rosie Is Leaving The View!


Will You Be Prepared?

Failure to prepare may mean mankind will have to dig in and fight with improvised weapons and hit-and-run tactics, much the same way Islamic extremists have battled the U.S. military in Iraq, Taylor said.

"You'd have to create an insurgency, a mujahideen-type resistance," Taylor said. "The insurgents know how to win this war against us. It also tells us that if we were attacked by aliens, this is our best defence."

Gliese 581

But most likely habitable enough to grow the human race.
However, we could use it as place to send all the weirdos.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Boris Yeltsin

His only regret?

Never catching Moose & Squirrel.



Ghost Ship Update

Relatives of the skipper of a catamaran that was found drifting empty off the Great Barrier Reef said today that they had been in "spiritual" touch with him and believe that he is fighting for his life "somewhere dark".
You're better off staying in that "somewhere dark" place than going back to relatives like that.

Tiere Sind Wild Gegangen!

That's "Animals Gone Wild!" in German.

Horse leaves 'deposit' in German bank

Kryptonite... Discovered?

In the film Superman Returns, Lex Luthor steals a meteorite made of Kryptonite, which, as shown in the film is made of sodium lithium boron silicate hydroxide.

Recently in a mine in Serbia, a rock was found that was quite unusual, not matching anything known previously to science. A scientist in London contracted the mineral's chemical make-up, which was sodium lithium boron silicate hydroxide.

So he started searching to see if anything like that had been seen before and using the internet, he found that yes, it had... in Superman Returns.

A bizarre example of life imitating art, imitating life.

'Kryptonite' discovered in mine

Monday, April 23, 2007

1 Ding, 2 Ding, 3 Ding, 4!

I can't believe I'm posting about the Red Sox. Again.

Although the Boston Pizza Massacre was funny enough, last night while working the Yankees-Red Sox game was on.

And I watched Boston nail 4 home runs in a row. I believe it was in 10 pitches.

Un-f'n-believable. I've never seen that at a ball game, in person or on TV.

Besides, anyone who can deliver a blow to the Yankees like that is alright with me.

But this is the last one! From now on, it's all Phillies.... once they have a winning record. *sigh*

Another Ghost Ship!

Another unmanned vessel has been discovered floating off the coast of Queensland.

The 6m barnacle-encrusted fibreglass boat, which was yesterday spotted in waters off the Sunshine Coast, is the second mystery vessel to be found in Queensland waters in less than a week.

The abductions have begun. They will start with the seas, where there is little resistance.

Top Of The Food Chain, Ma!


Maybe now.

But not then.

Shark-Eating Dino Fossil Found in Utah

A little mustard, a little molusk, delicious!

Earth Day

"The sheer beauty of it just brought tears to my eyes.

"If people can see Earth from up here, see it without those borders, see it without any differences in race or religion, they would have a completely different perspective. Because when you see it from that angle, you cannot think of your home or your country. All you can see is one Earth...."

Anousheh Ansari, Iranian-American space tourist who flew last year to the international space station.
"I left Earth three times. I found no place else to go. Please take care of Spaceship Earth."

Wally Schirra, who flew around Earth on Mercury, Gemini and Apollo missions in the 1960s.

Friday, April 20, 2007

This Sums Up Hypocrisy Perfectly

Oh Mom, you're so right. It's not OK.

Ghost Ship!

"They got on board and said the engine was running, the computers were running, there was a laptop set up on the table which was running, the radio was working, the GPS was working and there was food and utensils set on the table ready to eat, but no sign of the crew."


The Boston Pizza Massacre

I'm not a Red Sox fan.

Nor am I a fan of the mindless blabber that happens during most televised baseball games when the action is a little slow.

BUT, I am a fan of Don and Jerry of NESN for creating a very funny segment when a slice of pizza is used as weapon during a Red Sox's game.

You can tell these guys are having a lot of fun.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Here Come The Copycats

I heard an excellent point on the radio today.

Have you ever watched a baseball game or a football game and the camera focuses on the dugout or sidelines or most of the time the announcers when a fan runs on the field.

They never show the fan.


Because they don't want a copycat. They don't want some idiot seeing this other idiot on TV getting coverage and his 15 seconds of fame and thinking "Hey, I'd like that to happen to me! I want that!"

And yet, NBC NEWS receives a package from a murderer. Instead of handing it over to the authorities, NBC NEWS opens it up, makes copies and then hands it over. I'm sure all the forensic evidence is intact.

NBC NEWS is giving this asshole (I won't honor him by naming him but you know who I'm talking about) EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTED.


He set out to kill with impunity and to live in infamy.

And as calm and methodical as he pulled the trigger, NBC NEWS grasped at a chance to get ratings. To split up the footage. To be able to tell their advertisers "We're going to have more footage on the Today show tomorrow, and our commercial rates just went up."


Meanwhile the survivors of this horror get to see his face one more time, just in case it wasn't seared into their memory enough. Did you get a good look at him? No? Well here he is again, looking like an action hero on a movie poster. Oh, and here is what he has to say, so you have an answer to WHY? It's a rambling answer that doesn't make sense, but we thought you'd like to hear his voice too.

Meanwhile, somewhere else in the world, there is a broken soul. A tortured soul. Someone whose reality is not like ours. Someone who wants to be heard, and he has an angry message because he does not fit in.

He is smiling. He sees he can get this kind of attention. There is just one catch: someone has to die. And someone will.

Now I am cursing NBC NEWS. But make no mistake, if that pacage landed on any other American media doorstep, they would be jerking themselves off they'd be so happy. A couple of extra zero added to their commercial rates will get them that extra dinner party, that extra week in the Hamptons, that extra hottub, that new suit and new car.

And there are over 30 families left with nothing extra. Only less.

Shame on you NBC.

You are actively contributing to the next murder.

I hope you are charged and I hope the public holds you responsible.

You are disgusting and give us all a bad name.

How Did I Miss This Classic?!

With David Hasselhoff AND Christopher Plummer!

(There is an American version but the French version sounds so much better!)

My Gods Do Not Let Them Hatch!!!

We can't have baby stone monsters running around! Oh sure, they're cute at first, but then they GROW UP!

Space Raffle!

This is one lottery ticket that I would buy on a constant basis.

Brilliant idea.

Buzz Aldrin Plans Spaceflight Raffle

Going Out Of Business...

After 1,400 Years!!

What entrepreneurs starting family businesses can learn from the demise of Japanese temple builder Kongo Gumi.

I would love to get into the archives of that business. Find out what people were thinking, talking about and just an overall perspective of what the world was like 1,000 years ago.

There I Was, There I Was, There I Was...

...In The Congo.

And I saw this f'n scary ass fish!!

This was caught somewhere in the Congo.

Your Honor, This Witness Is An Ass!

Donkey becomes witness in Dallas dispute

EE-AWWWays acts like that.

Stages Of Denial

This Actually Happened To Me

American Median Stinks

I'm not going to watch the asshole's video.

This is what he wanted. Fame. He got it.

Thanks to the media showing his videos and printing his picture over and over and over again.... he wins.

And somewhere, another loner looks on with a smile, and begins to think... "That's what I want."

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Blackberry Meltdown!!!



Anyone want to start a death pool on what the date will be when the first report comes out that someone was hit by a car because they were looking at their stupid Blackberry and not paying attention?

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

A World War II History Lesson

For those of you who don't like learnin' and books and such, here is how WWII went down:

This Actually Answers A Lot Of My Questions

Some Men In India Need To Lighten Up

So Richard Gere kisses Shilpa Shetty and...

Many saw the act as an outrage against Shetty's modesty and Indian culture, though Shetty herself angrily dismissed the protests as an "over-reaction" that made India look silly.
Groups of men burned and kicked effigies of the actors in protests across India, including in the northern Indian cities of New Delhi, Kanpur, Meerut and Varanasi as well as in the central city of Indore. Some called for the actors' deaths. Others wanted public apologies.
How is it possible that people still act this way in 2007? Oh yea, people suck.
Move to The United States Shilpa. We have strange men too, but we won't be burning any effigies. I'm curious to see what a Richard Gere effigie looks like anyway. Burnt. What it looks like burnt.

Mr. Peepers Is OK

Seattle man charged in bizarre duck case

A Seattle man has been charged with a slew of crimes that involved an alleged shoplifting, assaults and a pet duck named Mr. Peepers.

Yes, it's that wierd.

Monday, April 16, 2007

A Reminder That The Universe Is Whacky.

Behold, the red square nebula.

Banana Splits!

All hail Bingo!

I'd Vote For Kinky. If I Lived In Texas.


There's no excusing Imus' recent ridiculous remark, but there's something not kosher in America when one guy gets a Grammy and one gets fired for the same line.

Political correctness, a term first used by Joseph Stalin, has trivialized, sanitized and homogenized America, transforming us into a nation of chain establishments and chain people.Take heart, Imus. You're merely joining a long and legendary laundry list of individuals who were summarily sacrificed in the name of society's sanctimonious soul: Socrates, Jesus, Galileo, Joan of Arc, Mozart and Mark Twain, who was decried as a racist until the day he died for using the N-word rather prolifically in "Huckleberry Finn."

Friday, April 13, 2007

King Tut!

I'm going! Tomorrow at The Franklin Institute in Philadelphia.
His treasure is here until September, and who knows when it will be back again. So check it if you can.
One bummer - no pictures allowed! I'll try and sneak a few anyway.

Imus Isn't The Real Bad Guy

Excellent article by Jason Whitlock, columnist for the Kansas City Star.

Instead of wasting time on irrelevant shock jock, black leaders need to be fighting a growing gangster culture.

It starts...

Thank you, Don Imus. You’ve given us (black people) an excuse to avoid our real problem.

I ain’t saying Jesse, Al and Vivian are gold-diggas, but they don’t have the heart to mount a legitimate campaign against the real black-folk killas.

It is us. At this time, we are our own worst enemies. We have allowed our youths to buy into a culture (hip hop) that has been perverted, corrupted and overtaken by prison culture. The music, attitude and behavior expressed in this culture is anti-black, anti-education, demeaning, self-destructive, pro-drug dealing and violent.

Please read this article. It is a beacon of common sense.

Old Crow Medicine Show

Old Crow Medicine Show, from Nashville, TN. "Wagon Wheel"

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Welcome To San Angeles, U.S.A.

You know where we are heading people?

San Angeles.

Who would have thought that a cheesy action movie from 1993 would be so prophetic?

Just look at the city of San Angeles in Demolition Man.

That what it feel like to me, and I don't know how to use the fucking three shells!

*Newbluebaby, you are fined five credits for repeated violations of the verbal morality statute.*

"I'm sorry to say that the world has become a pussy-whipped, Brady Bunch version of itself, run by a bunch of robed sissies."


You are bullshit cowards.

The Rational People Of The United States.

I hearby call for a boycott of CBS.

Enjoy your freedoms while you can people, because they are disappearing.

Tonight I will be stretching my vices and screaming obsenities.

Because for now, I have the right.

"Billy looked at the clock on the gas stove. He had an hour to kill
before the saucer came. He went into the living room, swinging the bottle
like a dinner bell, turned on the television. He came slightly unstuck in
time, saw the late movie backwards, then forwards again. It was a movie
about American bombers in the Second World War and the gallant men who
flew them. Seen backwards by Billy, the story went like this:

American planes, full of holes and wounded men and corpses took
off backwards from an airfield in England. Over France a few German
fighter planes flew at them backwards, sucked bullets and shell fragments
from some of the planes and crewmen. They did the same for wrecked
American bombers on the ground, and those planes flew up backwards to join
the formation.

The formation flew backwards over a German city that was in
flames. The bombers opened their bomb bay doors, exerted a miraculous
magnetism which shrunk the fires, gathered them into cylindrical steel
containers, and lifted the containers into the bellies of the planes. The
containers were stored neatly in racks. The Germans below had miraculous
devices of their own, which were long steel tubes. They used them to suck
more fragments from the crewmen and planes. But there were still a few
wounded Americans, though, and some of the bombers were in bad repair.
Over France, though, German fighters came up again, made everything and
everybody as good as new.

When the bombers got back to their base, the steel cylinders were
taken from the racks and shipped back to the United States of America,
where factories were operating night and day, dismantling the cylinders,
separating the dangerous contents into minerals. Touchingly, it was mainly
women who did this work. The minerals were then shipped to specialists in
remote areas. It was their business to put them into the ground., to hide
them cleverly, so they would never hurt anybody ever again.

The American fliers turned in their uniforms, became high school
kids. And Hitler turned into a baby, Billy Pilgrim supposed. That wasn't
in the movie. Billy was extrapolating. Everybody turned into a baby, and
all humanity, without exception, conspired biologically to produce two
perfect people named Adam and Eve, he supposed."

Feeling Bad? Go Play In The Dirt!

Remember when you were a kid? Playing in the dirt? How HAPPY you were?!

Well...Good news!

Depressed? Go Play in the Dirt

Exposure to friendly soil bacteria could improve mood by boosting the immune system just as effectively as antidepressant drugs, a new study suggests.

Philadelphia Phillies Opening Day

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Phony Outrage

As of April 7th, 2007 the top 10 rap songs in the country, almost every song has bitches and the n-word.

4 of the songs repeatedly use the word "HO" and "HO'S".

...Just sayin'.

I'm Thinking Of A Number...

Dreamed up phone number leads man to a bride

David Brown, 24, says he woke up one morning after a night out with friends with a telephone number constantly running through his head. He decided to contact it, sending a message saying "Did I meet you last night?."

Random recipient Michelle Kitson was confused and wary at first but decided to reply and the two began exchanging messages. Eventually they met and fell in love.

Nice story.

But I think I want the lottery numbers to come to me in a dream first.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Free Beer... ANARCHY!

A research report published in Applied Economics has found that the number of patients with violence-related injuries treated in hospital emergency rooms is related to the price of beer.

Well if all beer was free... then that means.... I'd be drunk!!

Fugees - Nappy Heads

I Would Never Survive If I Had To Eat...

Jungle Spiders.

I didn't even google what they look like because I don't want people seeing me with a bad case of the heebie-jeebies.

Lost Frenchmen ate jungle spiders

What Is Worse?

On the subway.

Sitting next to the guy who won't stop sniffing?

Or sitting next to the woman who won't stop putting make-up on?

Deep Down...

We're all nappy headed ho's.

Friday, April 06, 2007

I Wish We Had A Law Like This...

...sometime around, oh say, 2000?

An election law from 1776 bans "lunatics, idiots, deaf and dumb" people from standing for election.


They are deadly, huge and fast moving. Their tentacles can suck the life out of a human being and they've arrived in Northern California.

No, it's not the American Idol contestants.

Giant Squid Appearing Off California Coast

Does Paul Bunyan Smoke?

10-foot cigarette missing in Pensacola

Should Have Cried Wolf

Wolf grabs small dog and runs off

JUNEAU, Alaska -- A black wolf snatched a small dog near a Juneau lake and ran into the woods with it, U.S. Forest Service rangers said. A woman was walking three dogs Tuesday at Mendenhall Lake when the wolf grabbed the unleashed Pomeranian then dashed off with the dog in its jaws. The woman unsuccessfully searched for the dog, which has not been seen since.

Oh man, this is awful. Poor little do.... wait... a Pomeranian?

Find that wolf!

I want to shake it's paw.

What's That Scar?

Strip Poker Ends Solemnly With Scar Explanation

CONRAD, MT— The laughter and giddy sexual tension that typically accompanies a game of strip poker ended abruptly Monday after player Sarah Garrison removed her shirt and revealed a vicious scar that prompted innocent yet ill-advised questioning from the three other participants.

"I guess she was 9 when it happened," said playing partner Justin Kiefel, who described the scar as jagged, densely fibrous, and extending from her navel all the way to her collarbone. "Her uncle was drunk and prone to Vietnam flashbacks, and had been playing with his knife, and, uh, I don't want to say any more." Kiefel said that after about 30 seconds of shocked silence, everyone started putting their clothes back on.

Is it wrong that I laughed extremely out loud (LEOL!) at that?

Hmmm.. maybe. But I don't care.

Best Mug Shot Ever.

Firefighter caught in bikini

This is the greatest story I have ever read.

Harphant then said he saw the bikini-clad person hop into a parked blue Ford F-150 pickup truck with red emergency lights on top and he realized the person was a man.

“My wife said, “It’s a lady,’ and I was like, ‘No, it’s not a lady,’ ” Troy Harphant said.

Mason Police Officer Scott Miller pulled the truck over. His report states: “I observed Cole to be wearing a very skimpy woman’s … bikini with two tan water balloons taped to the top to simulate two woman’s breasts and a pair of pink Speedo flip-flop sandals.”

I know firefighters like to have fun. They can party.

But I don't know hoe he's going to explain this one to the firehouse.

"I was drinking, saw an ad in the paper for a $10,000 prize to sing at a gay bar in Dayton and thought, Carpe Diem!!!"

He should have siezed the night instead.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Werewolf To Stand Trial

A woman whose apartment was allegedly broken into by a man who claimed he was a werewolf told the court Tuesday the man needs mental help, not prison.

I should have a been a dectective because I totally figured this out.

In the night in question, was there a full moon?

Yes, guilty for being a werewolf and death by silver bullet!

No, guilty for being drunk and sentenced to community service and a $1,000 fine!


I'll Have Your Roadrunner Beef Sandwich

Coyote strolls into downtown Quiznos: 'He probably smelled our prime rib,' manager surmises

These coyotes are getting around.

One cause a rukus in New York City last summer as it ran around Central Park.

Time to invest in ACME stock.

Well Said...

During many ages there were witches. The Bible said so. The Bible commanded that they should not be allowed to live. Therefore the Church, after eight hundred years, gathered up its halters, thumb-screws, and firebrands, and set about its holy work in earnest. She worked hard at it night and day during nine centuries and imprisoned, tortured, hanged, and burned whole hordes and armies of witches, and washed the Christian world clean with their foul blood.

Then it was discovered that there was no such thing as witches, and never had been. One does not know whether to laugh or to cry.....There are no witches. The witch text remains; only the practice has changed. Hell fire is gone, but the text remains. Infant damnation is gone, but the text remains. More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the texts that authorized them remain.

Mark Twain

Serenity Named Top Sci-Fi Movie

Better than the original Star Wars?

Well... I'll have to say it's really close for me. But, both have been on cable a lot these days. When I come across Serenity... I watch till the end. So yes, I'll have to give it to Serenity these days.

I've talked about this movie before. Still haven't seen it? Check it out.

Space thriller Serenity has beaten Star Wars to the title of best sci-fi movie in an SFX magazine poll of 3,000 fans.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Television Rundown

Tonight marks the return of FX's The Shield. Long considered the best show on television, by me.

But I'm afraid the number one spot has been taken over, for now.

And for anyone who saw last week's Battlestar Galactica's finale, I think you'll agree.

Battlestar Galactica, Crossroads Part 2 was one of the best season finales of any series, EVER.

All Along The Watchtower, that's all I gotta say! But we have to wait until 2008 for the next season. Shit. That's long.

But there is still other good shows. "Lost" I still love week after week, as I do "24."

Next week, The Sopranos return. Psyched, as I am not one of these people who complain week after week that "nothing happened!". Those people should not be allowed to watch TV. Impatient morons.

But, with only 6 episodes... they got a lot to cover!! I have faith they will.